At this point you probably know how it feels When You To love someone. Maybe you always want to be with them, or your heart races (not literally) when a text notification pops up on your phone. Maybe you fall asleep thinking about your future together.
However, these telltale signs of a crush can be harder to read when the situation is reversed. Sometimes it seems downright impossible to identify if someone likes you romantically, whether it’s a hottie you saw from Hinge, someone you just met at a party or a long-time friend.
Something that makes these situations even more confusing? Many people overcompensate and try to play it cool when they like you, so as not to appear desperate or obvious, says clinical psychologist Chloe Carmichael, PhD, Women’s health advisory board member and author of Dr. Chloé’s 10 dating commandments.
“Actually, they might tend to become a little more cautious so as not to scare or frighten you,” she explains. Others might hide their feelings to avoid risk of rejection, adds Tamekis Williams, LCSW, founder of Mission Dorothy Female Empowerment Services.
Meet the experts: Chloe Carmichael, PhDis a clinical psychologist, Women’s health advisory board member and author of Dr. Chloé’s 10 dating commandments. Tamekis Williams, LCSWis the founder of Dorothy Mission Women’s Empowerment Services. Shawntres Parks, PhD, LMFTis a licensed marriage and family therapist and Women’s health member of the advisory board.
That’s why it’s always helpful (for all parties involved) to be direct with someone you love. If you’re dating or even flirting and feel like you know where You stand up, start an open dialogue on the subject. Here’s a quick script of something you can say to start the conversation, according to Williams: “Hey, I really enjoyed my time with you. It’s important to me to be open and honest about my feelings. That being said, do you mind if I tell you what I feel about our “Connection right now? I just want to make sure you’re in a place where we can discuss this. ”
It is important to clarify whether you are sharing this message only to express your own feelings or because you want a response from them. You should also talk about how You feel, without assuming that they feel the same thing, she adds.
But if you haven’t had the opportunity to have this conversation yet, it’s natural to want to understand how someone might be feeling. Although everyone expresses their feelings differently, here are 11 common signs someone likes you, according to experts.
1. They respond quickly to your texts and calls.
If someone is interested in you, they’ll usually prioritize getting back to you fairly quickly and making contact about anything and everything, Carmichael says. It’s especially a good sign if they reference shared memories or inside jokes. “If the contact references a funny joke or something from the time you spent together, it shows that he has mentally looked back and relived that time together in a positive way,” she adds.
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Along the same lines, this person might be particularly trustworthy. If your car breaks down, he’s the one who answers your call and comes to help you. “They will give you access to information that other people may not have,” says Williams.
2. They want to spend quality time together.
Maybe they’re still talking about planning your next date, and then In fact follow to the end. Your dates are fun and thoughtful, not just the same Netflix and relaxation session every weekend – and they spend that time getting to know you. “They are not only willing to communicate via a phone call or text, but they are also willing to set aside time to meet with you in person,” says Shawntres Parks, PhD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and Women’s health advisory board member.
If they like you, they will tend to move with purpose. “They are intentional about the time they spend with you, how they behave around you, how they want you to feel when you are around them,” Williams continues.
3. They ask you thoughtful questions.
“Ask you questions about yourself it demonstrates that they want to get to know you,” Carmichael says. And while there’s nothing wrong with some small talk beforehand, these questions probably are not “What are you doing this weekend?” or “What do you like to do for fun?” Instead, they’re a little deeper and might relate to your future goals and values, Williams adds.
These kinds of questions and conversations indicate “that a person is moving beyond knowing you as a companion…(and thinking) about you in a little more relationship-oriented way,” says Carmichael .
4. They say what they are looking for in a relationship.
Again, this may seem a bit obvious, but if your conversations ever revolve around what this person is, research in a relationship, they probably like you at least a little! “I would take this as a sign that they are interested in you, (and) probably telling you because they are curious to see how you react to what they want,” Carmichael says.
5. You’re talking about past relationships.
They might ask you about your past relationships and what went wrong, or they might talk about their own past relationships. “This could mean that it’s because they are interested in you and they just want you to know them better, and maybe understand if the obstacles they faced in their past would also be obstacles. obstacles for you,” says Carmichael.
But here’s the flip side: if they seem too emotional when talking about their ex(es), it could mean they’re still stuck on those past relationshipsShe adds.
6. They remember the things you shared.
When someone loves you, they’re likely to pay attention when you are together. So if you mentioned that you played tennis as a kid on your first date and they ask you if you still play tennis on the second date, that’s a sign that they listen (and are interested). “It shows that they are very attentive, that they think about who you are and the things that you share,” Carmichael says.
7. They give you light physical contact.
No, I’m not talking about packing the PDA. (In fact, this could possibly indicate that they only want something sexual, says Carmichael.) Instead, they might hold your hand across the table, put their hand on your lower back as you cross a restaurant, or put their hand on your lower back when you walk through a restaurant. their arm around you as you walk down the street.
“These (gestures) show the type of interest and closeness through physical contact, but also a level of restraint that suggests they are showing respect. for the relationship,” she says.
8. They’re a little awkward around you.
“Sometimes a little awkwardness can actually mean that someone really likes you,” Carmichael says. For example, maybe they laugh nervously around you and smile a lot, Williams says.
Think about the time you went on a date with someone who was a little *too* gentle. They served and dined you, used lots of flirtatious lines, and seemed super charming. Ultimately, this doesn’t necessarily mean they had feelings for you. So if the new person you’re seeing is awkward, don’t write them off right away, Williams adds.
9. They want to share their passions and skills with you.
When someone likes you, they want to share their skills, positive traits and resources with you, Parks says. It may look different for everyone. Maybe they’re great listeners and always make an effort to ask you questions about your day. Or maybe he’s a great chef: when he prepares a meal for you, he tells you about his passion (and probably impresses you in the process). “Whatever they’re good at, they share it with you,” she adds.
ten. This person spends what they can on your relationship.
No, spending a ton of money is not a sign of inherent interest. But if someone loves you, they may intentionally plan date nights or buy you things when they can. Maybe someone can’t afford to take you out to dinner every week, but they’re willing to spend money on groceries to prepare a meal for a picnic. Or, they save money to spend on gas to get to your meeting.
“A lot of times dating can be expensive, and we get sucked into things like expensive dinners, expensive dates and things like that that indicate someone is interested,” Parks says. And that’s not always the case. What really matters here is the effort.
11. They’re willing (and excited!) to spend time with the people in your life.
Someone who likes you has “a willingness to engage with the public,” Parks says. Not only will they go out with you in public, but they will also want to meet your friends and members of your community. (Of course, at the beginning of the relationship, they probably won’t be as involved as they will be after a few months.)
Having feelings for someone can be scary, and hopefully, they make an effort to show you that they love you back. But if you don’t, remember: the only surefire way to know if someone likes you or not is to talk about it. You got this!
Addison Aloian (she/her) is an editorial assistant at Women’s health. When she’s not writing about all things pop culture, health, beauty, and fashion, she loves going to the gym, shopping at Trader Joe’s, and watching whatever hockey game is on TV . His work has also appeared in Seduce, StyleCaster, The Official USA, V MagazineAnd Modern luxury media.
