Photo: Barbara Nitke/HBO
Ok, I rewatched the first episode of Downton Abbey to understand what Golden age is missing, and the answer is LIFE. We are stuck in a suffocating, mind-numbing drama. Downton is active, dynamic and full of light. Golden age it’s like you’re beating the dust off an old cushion.
That’s not to say there aren’t positives. Like, this week, we went on a little trip! Everyone (mostly) goes to Newport to be rich instead of being rich in New York. Variety is the spice of life! This trip is all about romantic relationships and who loves who, but the only couple with any real chemistry is Bertha and George Russell, and we only get to see them kissing on the veranda for THREE SECONDS. Look, if you’re going to have socially repressed characters in high society, you’re going to have to see them hit a wall at some point. The alternative is intense and moving look in living roomsà la Mr. Darcy.
Gladys and Larry Russell are in Newport to please their mother and help Larry look into his nepo baby career as an architect. Marian goes because she’s in a relationship with a Morgan, and she invites Oscar because he’s sad that his empty marriage to Gladys didn’t work out after George called it off. Four for you, George, although I still fear that Gladys will end Consuelo Vanderbilt in tears at the altar. All these visitors from Newport are going to a tennis match and then to Ward McAllister’s big party.
Agnes and Ada stay at home and invite Robert Sean Leonard over for tea. The romantic pairings in this show are so obvious that I want the characters to protest. Literally, Ada already talked to this man once, and now everyone is saying: so you’re a woman, he’s a man, it seems perfect. Was there nothing better for Robert Sean Leonard and Cynthia Nixon to do in this episode?
Peggy is back on 61st Street! His dynamic with Agnes is the best because they both act like real humans and not like your drama teacher in a community theater production of Lady Windermere’s fan. Agnes promises that the racist Armstrong will have to be less racist this time. Given the nickname I just made up for him, that doesn’t sound promising. Agnes tells Armstrong that if she doesn’t treat Peggy with courtesy and respect, Agnes will have a new maid. When Armstrong argues, Agnes says, “I see you took this as an argument. ” GOOD.
Armstrong is immediately racist and terrible towards Peggy on several occasions. Damn it, Armstrong. Peggy is unnecessarily kind in return and eventually tells Armstrong that even though Peggy has no quarrel with her (WHY?), “You don’t have any quarrel with me.” Correct! Armstrong, what the hell are you doing? Do you somehow doubt being fired? There is no maid union, and if there was, you wouldn’t have a lawsuit! I guess we’re all waiting for an inevitable reckoning moment between Armstrong and Peggy where Armstrong tells Peggy about a defining moment from his past about why she’s racist, instead of just being shitty and choosing not to self-examine. Damn it, Armstrong.
The show is still trying to make Marian and her cousin(ew) Dashiell come true. I mean. Of course. It saves him from having to talk more to this Morgan guy, who is very drunk. Meghan Trainor’s “NO” hadn’t come out yet, so Marian doesn’t know how to handle the situation. They dance at McAllister’s fun party. Oscar meets a new lady named Maud Beaton, who lives in Paris. She has a paid companion, and I really hope that’s code for gay. Then, she and Oscar can be gayly married, but not in the way you might normally think! Also, I could then quote: “Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair?»
I have gone so long without discussing the strangely full of stars but a musically sterile Broadway cast. When we met with Larry’s potential new employer in Newport, I screamed, turned to my wife and said, “WHO ELSE SHOW DO YOU THINK HAS SHOWN UP?” » She guessed Idina Menzel (incorrect, but right), then correctly said Laura Benanti. Another Tony winner to add to the list! Laura Benanti, or “the Benans” as no one else probably calls her, was literally the first thing my wife and I talked about on Tinder. Here she plays a love-starved widow ready to fuck her new architect. And she makes him fuck! Larry, to his credit(?), is very honest about this with his mother, and when Bertha questions why he does it, he says he doesn’t want to visit sex workers and can’t fuck never married women. he knows. Okay, I get it, Larry, and if Laura Benanti very visibly looked at me like she wanted to fuck me, I’d probably jump on board (in that scenario, I too am a young girl in my twenties years, single, nepo baby architect). But also, there’s virtually no chance of this ending well.
Bertha is still doing behind-the-scenes business regarding the new opera. Ward McAllister wants her to meet a rich old man’s new young wife because they might want to buy a box at the Metropolitan Opera. This is exactly why I’m giving the episode four stars. Bertha and George are at Ward’s party and they meet the new couple whose wife is BERTHA’S DISMISSED LADYMAID. The lady who hit on George, and it looked like he might have sex with her at the end of last season. I hate it…but also, I’m very interested.
• Bertha Russell may be allowed in now, but we’re certainly not inviting the old lady, at least not without some major donations from her.
• Larry Russell and this widow who would probably be fine in The sound of music are definitely hitting.
• I would like to point out that during the tennis match, Laura Benanti is dressed as if she was attending the opening day of Ascot on My beautiful ladyand there’s no way she wouldn’t have said that to someone during filming.
• Speaking of tennis match fashion, Gladys’ hat is crazy. It looks like the garland of flowers they present to the winner of a horse race, but with grated carrots coming out of it, or maybe a forest of kelp or a sea sponge. Honestly, I don’t know about what she was talking about while she was wearing it. This is the best hat ever. If someone handed it to me, I would scream with joy. I hope the hat designer said “Yes, YES!” when they realized they could just insert some orange wires into the top. Fashion!
• Why doesn’t anyone talk about horse-drawn carriages anymore when the word is so fun to say? Can we blame the Russells?
