Children have been sending letters to a portly bearded man in a red suit for decades, and in some cases the perfect gift ends up under the Christmas tree.
When it comes to college football, ’tis the season to rejoice, especially when it comes to the four biggest games of a historic 2024 campaign.
THE College Football Playoffs the quarter-finals will be played in front of a large audience and we will watch them. That includes the big guy in the red suit and black boots who will have earned 364 well-deserved days off.
As usual, the North Pole Post Office has been inundated with letters from young people around the world and even some well-known adults trying to make a little history. So, in honor of the eight teams remaining in the first 12-team playoff, I got my hands on 12 that I had to share with everyone who loves college football.
Who knows when or if Santa will respond, but we’ll know if their wish was granted soon enough.
Enjoy the holiday cheer.
Letters to Santa from the world of football
1. Hi Santa, I know you fulfilled last year’s wish and I got a raise to an annual salary of over $10 million, but I have another one. I know the other seven coaches are asking for a national championship, so I don’t want to put you in the position of having to choose between us.
After our victory against Clemsonmy only wish for the holiday season is that Quinn Ewers, Cam Williams, Jake Majors and Quintrevion Wisner are healthy for the Arizona State game. These young men are one of the main reasons my team played so well. If they are ready to leave for the Sun Devils and beyond that, we will take care of the rest. Please work your Christmas magic.
Love,
Steve in the 512.
2. I’m just making sure our demand for four first-round blowouts of the College Football Playoff carries over to the entire CFP. This worked very well for us.
Less dramatic routs will be the perfect tonic for some less-than-ideal TV ratings and could keep these college clowns from expanding their playoff run to 16 teams. It’s not that we’re threatened or anything, but we don’t really like these amateurs shining our winter spotlight.
Best,
32 billionaires who work on Sunday
More: Texas Football Film Study: How Longhorns Used Their Intelligence and Experience to Beat Clemson
3. I wrote to you at the end of November and asked you to give me the Heisman Trophy because I felt I deserved it. Travis Hunter from Colorado won it, so I guess my letter got lost in the shuffle.
So if you’re reading this, my new wish is to run for at least 132 yards against Penn State’s #7 rushing defense, which would break Mr. Sanders’ single-season record of 2,628 rushing yards. We’re probably going to lose anyway, but we’ve already written enough history for our team. I need that one-on-one connection, SC. Please open traffic lanes big enough for your sled to pass through at the Fiesta Bowl and I will be forever grateful.
Greetings,
Ashton
4. Mr. Claus, I’m not sure if you have received my letters over the past four years, as my annual wish to beat Michigan has not been granted since I started writing to you in 2021.
My team is really good, but the people of my state don’t care about my 67-10 record because four of the losses are to the team they hate the most.
Sure, I’d love to beat Oregon in the Granddaddy of Them All, but I’m putting a 2025 win over Michigan at the top of my wish list because the fans here have been really mean lately .
Best,
Day R.
More: Steve Sarkisian earns more bonuses for Texas’ CFP victory over Clemson. See details
5. Listen, big boy. You should not overestimate your importance here. I’m going to need you to cut back on the endless Grinch reruns and Christmas story marathons and remind viewers that college football is having a historic season and shouldn’t play second fiddle to Will Ferrell in a costume. undersized elf or 60-year-old clay reindeer intimidating a wimp with a shiny red nose.
I know you only have a month to shine, but stop hogging the attention. Plus, you’ll go back to being irrelevant after working your only shift of the year.
Need I remind you that I am the real power behind the popularity of this sport and have invested billions in Disney/ESPN money with the SEC and Big Ten to make sure this CFP story breaks. Minnie told me not to write to you, but I can’t sit through another broadcast of Frosty knowing there’s good college football content out there for those toy-hungry kids to watch.
Watch your back, Kringle.
Mr. Mouse
6. Santa, this wish comes from outside the box, but we had so much fun shutting out our win over SMU that we’d like to move our game with Boise State from the Fiesta Bowl to our little stadium comfortable for 110,000 people. Pennsylvania. We think if they can get the Broncos to play on a blue football field, then anything is possible. Since you enjoy a white Christmas, why not treat us to a white New Year’s Eve?
Nittany Lions
7. Santa, please do not share this letter with Nick Saban. He’s been a hit on ESPN’s “College GameDay,” but my bosses have been pressuring me to talk to him about his colorful language this season. Could you ask him to clean it up a bit? I’m afraid of the guy.
THANKS,
Anonymous FCC Grunt
8. Claus, could you get Pat McAfee fired from GameDay? I’m so tired of sitting next to him. He annoys me. Every time he opens his mouth, I feel this incredible urge to swear. I can’t hold back.
S-bombs are coming out of my mouth and could escalate into something much worse. And why does he keep taking off his shirt? This isn’t WWE. I’m not asking for much, but since we’re both known as St. Nick, I thought I’d call in the favor.
Make it happen,
Saban
9. The guy who replaced me in Columbus told me he didn’t believe in you and I tend to agree because I’ve been asking for a head coaching job for four years and you don’t. Did not respond.
People won’t let me forget the Jacksonville NFL nightmare, but enough is enough. Hell, Bobby Petrino managed to get off his motorcycle and back onto the college field and I’m stuck wearing a suit every Saturday while forcing myself to laugh at Brady Quinn’s lame jokes through gritted teeth.
I always knew you were a fraud.
U. Meyer
10. Could you ask SEC Commissioner Greg Sankey to return my texts? I think he’s mad at me for comments I made on stage in Atlanta that he gave us a tough road schedule after we won the conference title against Texas. He’s been ghosting me for almost a month and it’s making me nervous.
Not so smart in Athens
11. Could you take us back? In any other year, an Oregon-Penn State Rose Bowl would make us beam with pride because it was still a Big Ten team playing one of our guys in the Rose Bowl. We’ve added a few teams but people make fun of us saying we’re the Mountain West West. It’s not too late to make things right. We hear these nerds from Stanford and Cal want to come home.
In tears,
Former Pac-12
12. You delivered us from the Big 12 to the SEC in 2012 and we haven’t asked for much since, but if you can just give us a Texas loss to Arizona State, we’ll never ask for anything again.
Just a Texas loss, please. It doesn’t even have to be a blowout. Come to think of it, a score of 12-0 would be perfect.
Thanks in advance,
Your friends in College Station
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This article was originally published on Austin American-Statesman: College Football Playoffs: A Look at Santa’s Wish List
