This is an online exclusive story from ESPN The Magazine body problem 2017, on newsstands July 7. Subscribe today!
The Bearded Sharks Duo Brent Burns And Joe Thornton joined elite company last season. Burns became the eighth defenseman in NHL history to total at least 25 goals in multiple seasons, while Jumbo Joe, a 19-year veteran center, is just the 13th player to total 1,000 career assists . But their aspirations don’t stop there! After the Sharks’ season, Burns and Thornton joined a different elite group by posing for the Body Issue…together. During filming, the teammates (perhaps too close) spoke with journalist David Fleming about their “hockey shape,” grooming their beards and their fear of needles.
What’s the difference between agreeing to do the Body Issue and when they say, “OK, ditch the dresses”?
BRENT BURNS: You never know what to expect with something like this. They were like, “Boom, let’s go!” » We both just dropped our dresses, looked into each other’s eyes and laughed: We’re both naked right now taking a faceoff, so it’s pretty interesting. But athletes are rather comfortable in this state. We’re naked in the locker room all the time and we’re comfortable around each other, but usually it’s with teammates, not photographers.
JOE THORNTON: I was like, “Burnsie, if you do it, I’ll do it.” » We are a package deal.
BB: I bet Joe trained hard for this thing to get his body jerked off. Me? I just got back from 10 days at Disney eating funnel cakes and ice cream with my kids. There was a lot of laughter during filming, but I think it was mostly people making fun of my body. Jumbo (Joe) is the guy who is most comfortable naked. He is still naked. There was a pretty popular photo of us walking around Pittsburgh, and he had his shirt off. He’s a nudist.
JT: I love my body. There’s nothing great about it, but I’m stuck with it and it doesn’t bother me. I never remember being self-conscious about my body. It just comes from being in a locker room for so long. I have always found it natural to be naked. It’s never a big problem for me. My dad wears his underwear to get the mail in the morning, so that’s probably where I get it.
BB: Joe is an older guy, but he’s still in better shape than most young guys. Now you see kids coming into the league with coaches and nutritionists. I never knew anything about nutrition. We ate Subway every day in junior hockey. Children now no longer consume gluten and avoid dairy products. You see a lot more yoga, core things and mobility.
What does it mean to be in “hockey shape”?
JT: Being in hockey shape is totally different from any other type of fitness. You can run, bike and train all summer, then go on the ice for a day and you’re dead.
BB: There are so many physical things happening on the ice at the same time. Playing hockey is like juggling while riding a bike underwater while guys try to hit you. So you might be in good enough shape to run a marathon, but you skate for two shifts and feel like dog shit. You always think, “I should have stayed on the couch all summer eating chips.” You come back in great shape and you’re like, “Man, I look so good, but I can’t skate at all.” This is why hockey players can have bad bodies and it doesn’t matter. They can skate for days. If I can bench press two 110-pound dumbbells during training in the summer, I couldn’t do it with 70 pounds in March, but I can play. For me, whatever my body does, whatever it looks like, that’s how we do our job and it’s all there for a reason, good or bad.
The glutes are a key part of the hockey body, right?
BB: It’s due to being in a skating position, always bent over. We always hear the guys talking about it. It’s hard to find pants that fit well. This is why we all wear sweatpants. They are comfortable and fit a little easier in the old caboose. But dentistry, beard and butt: these are the defining elements of a hockey player. Facial scars and lost teeth are badges of honor to us. I lost my first tooth when I was 16, the day after I had my braces removed. It was a stick high up to the mouth. My mother was not happy. I was afraid to tell him. One of the older guys on our team took me home after practice, and the last thing I said to him was, “She might knock the other one out when I tell her.”
Do hockey players even feel pain after a while?
BB: This one yes! I have the pain gene. People say arm tattoos don’t hurt. No, I did one round and it sucked. I’m a wimp. You sit there for five hours and let someone drill you. It’s like someone using a small torch to burn your nerves. Joe feels no pain. I don’t understand why he doesn’t have a pain threshold, but it’s amazing.
JT: Well, I hate needles and stitches. I’m the biggest wimp when it comes to this stuff. I can not support it. This little needle is the worst feeling for me. I hate that.
A lot of the art behind creating games is knowing body language, reading body language. What’s it like playing with each other?
JT: It’s a generational type of talent. You just don’t have a 6-5, 230-pound guy who is fast, strong and agile. These guys just don’t come. He’s so relaxed and confident, and it’s refreshing. We are in a stressful job, and the more we have fun with it, the more it takes away the stress.
BB: Joe is an incredible playmaker. Our sport is different from most sports. There is a flow that you cannot write. You can’t get to the line of scrimmage and say, “OK, you run 5 yards downfield, go right, and I’m going to throw the ball to you and hit you right there.” » Each piece is different. You have to create space, and nothing happens a second time in exactly the same place. So the better you know someone, the more you start to think alike and know where you’re going to go. You don’t have a second to stop and think; you just have to know. Joe is better than 99.9 percent of the league at that level.
JT: It’s about instinct and anticipation, reading the play before it happens. You have to know where you are on the ice and where everyone is going. This is why really good players have great chemistry with their teammates.
What is the biggest problem you have with these beards?
BB: I have eggs from last week in this thing. We oil it. We brush it. But you try to eat a bowl of chili or something that can fall or leak and you’re screwed if it gets in there. Nothing comes out.
JT: I love peanut butter and jelly on toast in the morning, and this is the worst. If peanut butter gets in there, forget it. You have to eat the peanut butter first and then go take a shower. It’s a whole lifestyle. The other big problem for me is milk. I like to eat cereal every night, and this can be a problem. I have a little gray in the middle, and I tell people it’s because milk stains the beard, not my age. What do you call my stripe, Burnsie?
BB: The racing strip. Your face looks like a 1971 Dodge Charger.
JT: We have a guy who comes to the house and maintains it for us with a cut and trim every three months or so. You just have to constantly be careful to make sure there’s no crap in this kind of beard. Not even just food crumbs, I mean, random stuff. Last week I went to have the dog groomed. Simple, right? There was a tree outside, the wind was blowing and the pollen was falling. I come in and the groomer says, “Hey, you have something in your beard.” I run my hand through it and my friend says, “No, you still have a ton of shit in your beard.” But I just feel comfortable in a beard.
BB: My dad always had a beard when I was growing up, so I bet that probably has a lot to do with it mentally. I remember him with one, and so I wanted one too.
For more Body interviews: Andrews | Javier Baez | Julien Edelman | Ezekiel Elliott | Kirstie Ennis | Julie and Zach Ertz | Malakai Fekitoa | Gus Kenworthy | Nneka Ogwumike | Isaiah Thomas | Joe Thornton and Brent Burns | United States women’s national hockey team | Ashley Wagner | Michelle Waterson | Novlene Williams-Mills | Caroline Wozniacki
